What Your Favorite Carlton Mellick III Book Says About You

Inspired by this sound on TikTok, I made this list. I haven’t figured out how to turn it into a video, so I hope you get a kick out of this in blog form!

You’re going with the safe choice, maybe a bit basic, but you’re not wrong.

Quicksand House

Is this one really your favorite, or were you just told it should be?

The Haunted Vagina

You’re either really awesome or you really suck. No middle ground.

The Baby Jesus Butt Plug

You are the middle ground. You are a very neutral person.

I Knocked Up Satan’s Daughter

You like the classics.

Satan Burger

Hey! That’s my Dad’s favorite!

Apeshit!

Hey! That’s my Mom’s favorite!

Stacking Doll

You pretentious fucker. You piece of shit hipster.

Electric Jesus Corpse

You’re cool. Like actually cool. You are what the hipsters think they are.

Razor Wire Pubic Hair

You are a child. And I mean that literally like you’re not yet a teenager.

The Faggiest Vampire

You are a chiiild. And I mean that as an insult.

The Kobold Wizard’s Dildo of Enlightenment +2

You are a contrarian, you do not exist. This is no one’s favorite.

Cancer-Cute

This one shouldn’t even count, but I’ll let it slide because you have good taste.

Goblins on the Other Side (coming May 1st, 2022!)

Leave a comment